THEATER. TELEVISION. FILM.
A Balancing Act
New motherhood, no matter who you are, is fraught with emotion, good and bad. Or maybe not BAD, per se, but ambivalent. When you are an ACTRESS, though, it gets downright confusing. Here is my most amazing creation, right in front of me lying on her activity mat having a grand old time. Yet somehow, I’m still not satisfied. I told a friend the other day that I still had the need to CREATE and she said, “Sara, you already did!” So why isn’t my greatest creation of all not enough? I know some actresses that have a child and quit acting. They say it’s just too hard to do both and I don’t blame them. My husband asked me where Eva’s drug-free labor and birth ranked on my lifetime scale of difficulty. I told him it was the second hardest thing I’d ever done. ”What’s the hardest?” he asked. ”Taking care of her now,” I said. It’s not really the sleep deprivation or the fact that I can’t leave her alone for a minute. I don’t want to! It’s more the definition of self that I struggle with. Am I still an artist or am I done creating?
Well, it’s an ongoing discussion I have with myself. I have also talked to some really sweet fellow actress/moms who are making it work. Which has opened my mind a bit. Musical theater actresses are all right!!! I was close-minded on the subject before, but the ones I have spoken to could not have been sweeter. I thank them. They gave me hope. But they also said that it’s OK to just BE with my baby. To watch her grow and become who she’s going to be. To care for her and bond with her. And to not feel like I have to return to work immediately. I know they are right, but when you have been GOING GOING GOING for ten years, it’s close to impossible to slow down. Today’s lesson: slow down. I’m going to go make my daughter smile. She’s going to do the same for me, I know it.